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In our younger years, we never once stop to consider how we might be damaging our bodies with the foods that we eat.
It doesn’t even cross our mind that our lustful affair with the fast food nation and all of the processed, sugary cuisine that it comes with will eventually rise up and bite us in the ass in the form of a savage heart attack or stroke.
Maybe as we get a little bit of life experience under our belts – the one we have been forced to cut additional holes in to make fit around our rapidly expanding gut — we start to realize that our piss-poor diets might come back to haunt us.
But we come to grips with how we might end up with diabetes and an amputated foot because we just can’t seem to shake that vicious Skittles habit.
Our hope is that maybe, just maybe, if we’re lucky enough, our gluttonous ways will only lead to sudden death during an episode of Seinfeld or something and we will not have to be seen in public with only one good hoof.
However, never in three lifetimes would we find ourselves concerned, not even for a second, that our fat-ass encounters with all of the nutritional atrocities that the world has to offer could render us incapable of humping a bun in the oven when the time comes to start a family.
But this is precisely what can happen to us, a new study finds, if we continue polluting our balls with junk food.
Researchers at Harvard University have concluded that maintaining a shit diet – one of those consisting of pepperoni pizza with a Mountain Dew chaser – can lead to lower sperm production.
The study, which was just presented in front of a bunch of depressed motherfuckers at the annual European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology meeting, finds that the decline in men’s sperm count over the past few decades is mostly to blame on our insistence on filling our bodies with trash.
Researchers describe it as a “western” diet, something that they have defined as the consumption of foods such as “pizza, chips, processed and red meats, snacks, refined grains, high-energy drinks, and sweets.”
These foods, or so it seems, are snuffing out our baby making abilities.
On the flip side, men who maintained a healthy diet – those who consumed mostly “fish, chicken, vegetables, fruit, and water” – had a higher sperm count.
So, while it might be a lot of fun to just keep humping away at the old baby bucket time and time again without getting something to grow, the real potent peters are the ones that don’t produce jizz that smells like a Papa Johns.
This means if the old lady has been on you lately about getting her pregnant, it might be time to trade in the grease and high calories on a diet that is more conducive to producing athletic swimmers.
Because those bogged down by the sludge of pseudo-sustenance might have trouble going the distance.
So, yes, it would seem that eating like a teenager that has been left alone for the weekend can have an effect on sperm production.
But contrary to what the study says about the situation being irreversible, some experts say this may not be true.
The implication in the study is that this western diet has the power to kill Sertoli cells (they help to keep sperm happy, healthy and horny), but without them, or so it is suggested, men simply cannot get their spunk back to optimal levels.
But this is probably complete and utter bullshit, some urologists assert.
“That’s something that you can’t tell unless you’re looking at testicular tissue from a testicular biopsy,” Dr. Bobby Najari told Men’s Health. “Concern about the health of Sertoli cells is taking this data a step too far.”
It is important to understand that just because your diet sucks a big one doesn’t mean you’re going to have trouble getting a girl pregnant.
Just take a look around out there at all of the fat slobs with kids, and it is readily apparent that junk food has not hindered the populating of the Earth.
So, be advised, don’t go using your affinity for cheeseburgers and mounds of fries as an alternative to birth control.
This meatheaded notion will only ensure that you end up on a steady diet of ramen noodles once your entire month’s wages start going to pay child support.
But for those men having some difficulty cracking a few eggs, so to speak, medical experts say one of the first things to change is your diet.
Now, it could take some time before you’re shooting uterus crushers – after all, Rome wasn’t built in a day – but your balls should eventually recover from their dietary dump and they will learn to swim again.
[via Men’s Health]
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Mike Adams is a freelance writer for High Times, Cannabis Now, and Forbes. You can follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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